Have you ever lost someone? But not physically lose them, like mentally lose them. And I'm not talking just going from one best friend to another every week (like us, girls, do) I'm talking the one person you can actually connect with, who you still hangout with every day, but is completely changed into a different person. Because, if you have, I need to know how to handle it.
This person is someone that I love with everything that I have, but I'm sad all the time and they don't see that part of me, or if they do, it doesn't seem like it matters much to them. There comes a point where you can only say so much and forgive so much before you actually start believing that actions speak louder than words. I want to believe everything that comes out of their mouth but how can I do that when its literally same sh*t different day.
Friday, August 26, 2016
Thursday, April 21, 2016
When Life Isn't Good
When life doesn't go your way theres a few things that you can do.
1. Tell yourself that the world is ending and you're never going to be successful
2. Take each day as a new day and make the best of what you can when you can
3. Use the outcome of one situation to determine the rest of your life choices.
Now, while the list goes on and on and on... Number three speaks loudly to me. After leaving one college and convincing myself that I will never be successful in life, I eventually got myself some what together and got a job. I was nannying which was something that I always did, was good at, was easy, and made good money... For being 19. Then I decided that I wasn't busy enough since I kept lingering on the fact that where my life was at wasn't where I wanted it to be. So, I got a second job at a restaurant (which I will never recommend to anyone...ever). I told myself that this was not the type of life that I wanted for myself and I would do whatever it took to change it.
I applied to a community college, I got accepted and was ready to start classes. I just couldn't put my pride aside. I couldn't, and still can't, even though I need to, accept the fact that even thought community college was something I never had to consider post high school, its now something that may be my "Only option" post leaving a four year school in the middle of the first semester. Hoping, and not really knowing anything about requirements for applying as a transfer student to another four year school, I applied with all of the hopes of getting accepted and starting anew life for me. It was all I really wanted and all that I really looked forward too now. I had hope again. When I finally got my letter, my Dad had it in his hand. I just walked through the door after a day of shopping with not a care in the world. He looked at me and said "Here it is Em, i'm so sorry". I thought he was joking. So with a big smile on my face I said "I didn't get in?!" and it was in that moment, I knew he wasn't joking. I didn't get in.
What on earth am I supposed to do now. People keep telling me "you're young, you have plenty of time to figure it out" but... I don't. Pretty soon all of my friends are going to be graduating from college, getting real jobs, doing adult things. And what am I going to be doing? That is the one thing I don't want think about.
However... here I am, young, outgoing, and adventurous. I have an amazing family that supports any decision I make and will be there to help through any situation that I get myself into. And so I think, is this meant to be? Wherever I am meant to be, I will get there... Eventually. I've learned that being successful isn't going to come easy, and having to work towards it is going to make getting there that much more fulfilling. Going to a four year school, getting a cookie-cutter degree, thats the easy route.
My life is tough right now, it could be tougher. I use every outcome as a way of learning something valuable. So far I've learned that life isn't fair, but I can't use that as an excuse to set myself back. I might have to go down a path that I've never even thought about going down in order to get where I am supposed to be. But eventually, I'll get somewhere, and I'll be happy. I am young, I am enjoying life as much as I can, and I am thankfully life is hard because I wouldn't be grateful if it wasn't.
1. Tell yourself that the world is ending and you're never going to be successful
2. Take each day as a new day and make the best of what you can when you can
3. Use the outcome of one situation to determine the rest of your life choices.
Now, while the list goes on and on and on... Number three speaks loudly to me. After leaving one college and convincing myself that I will never be successful in life, I eventually got myself some what together and got a job. I was nannying which was something that I always did, was good at, was easy, and made good money... For being 19. Then I decided that I wasn't busy enough since I kept lingering on the fact that where my life was at wasn't where I wanted it to be. So, I got a second job at a restaurant (which I will never recommend to anyone...ever). I told myself that this was not the type of life that I wanted for myself and I would do whatever it took to change it.
I applied to a community college, I got accepted and was ready to start classes. I just couldn't put my pride aside. I couldn't, and still can't, even though I need to, accept the fact that even thought community college was something I never had to consider post high school, its now something that may be my "Only option" post leaving a four year school in the middle of the first semester. Hoping, and not really knowing anything about requirements for applying as a transfer student to another four year school, I applied with all of the hopes of getting accepted and starting anew life for me. It was all I really wanted and all that I really looked forward too now. I had hope again. When I finally got my letter, my Dad had it in his hand. I just walked through the door after a day of shopping with not a care in the world. He looked at me and said "Here it is Em, i'm so sorry". I thought he was joking. So with a big smile on my face I said "I didn't get in?!" and it was in that moment, I knew he wasn't joking. I didn't get in.
What on earth am I supposed to do now. People keep telling me "you're young, you have plenty of time to figure it out" but... I don't. Pretty soon all of my friends are going to be graduating from college, getting real jobs, doing adult things. And what am I going to be doing? That is the one thing I don't want think about.
However... here I am, young, outgoing, and adventurous. I have an amazing family that supports any decision I make and will be there to help through any situation that I get myself into. And so I think, is this meant to be? Wherever I am meant to be, I will get there... Eventually. I've learned that being successful isn't going to come easy, and having to work towards it is going to make getting there that much more fulfilling. Going to a four year school, getting a cookie-cutter degree, thats the easy route.
My life is tough right now, it could be tougher. I use every outcome as a way of learning something valuable. So far I've learned that life isn't fair, but I can't use that as an excuse to set myself back. I might have to go down a path that I've never even thought about going down in order to get where I am supposed to be. But eventually, I'll get somewhere, and I'll be happy. I am young, I am enjoying life as much as I can, and I am thankfully life is hard because I wouldn't be grateful if it wasn't.
Friday, February 19, 2016
It's been a while
When I first thought of the title for the post, it was more of a self explanatory 'I haven't written in a while' title. But as I was typing it... It actually perfectly describes everything I'm feeling. It's just been a while. It's been a long time since I've sat at my computer and thought about how my weeks have been. A while since I thought about the good, the bad, the what if's. In a way I guess thats a good thing because I have been too busy to dwell on the things that are making me upset, I guess its also bad that I haven't taken the time to remember all the moments that made me happy. While I look back I think about those moments now, the good the bad the ugly.
It's been a while since I've hangout with friends, which I mean isn't really odd considering I'm not at school right now so I don't have the chances to make new friends and the more I look back on it I don't really want to be with the friends that I had in high school (for obvious reasons). Not having a lot of friends can be good and bad. You see, it's been a while since I've had any "Im mad so and so didn't invite me to wherever" drama, but at the same time, thats kind of what I miss... Being invited, being not invited, knowing that things were going on around me.
Having to find another school to (hopefully) attend in the fall also brings me to another "it's been a while" moment. It has been a LONG time since I have applied to colleges. You'd think that since I had done it before it wouldn't be as stressful. You'd be wrong. It's more stressful knowing that I have to explain my former situation to colleges hoping that they understand I WANT to learn. But, I have learned through this whole stressful school 'thing' that just because I saw what happened as a failure doesn't mean I can't be a success.
Having all this time to myself (even though I work two jobs and really don't have much time at all) makes me realize that I am young. I don't need to be where everyone else my age is. We all have our own paths in life and mine is different than others. Mine is how it should be, how it needed to be in order for me to be successful in the future. While some may have seen my situation as something that is holding them back, I took it as an opportunity to take my time in life. To let things figure themselves out. I have taken the time to regain my happiness.
When one door closes, another door opens.
It's been a while since I've hangout with friends, which I mean isn't really odd considering I'm not at school right now so I don't have the chances to make new friends and the more I look back on it I don't really want to be with the friends that I had in high school (for obvious reasons). Not having a lot of friends can be good and bad. You see, it's been a while since I've had any "Im mad so and so didn't invite me to wherever" drama, but at the same time, thats kind of what I miss... Being invited, being not invited, knowing that things were going on around me.
Having to find another school to (hopefully) attend in the fall also brings me to another "it's been a while" moment. It has been a LONG time since I have applied to colleges. You'd think that since I had done it before it wouldn't be as stressful. You'd be wrong. It's more stressful knowing that I have to explain my former situation to colleges hoping that they understand I WANT to learn. But, I have learned through this whole stressful school 'thing' that just because I saw what happened as a failure doesn't mean I can't be a success.
Having all this time to myself (even though I work two jobs and really don't have much time at all) makes me realize that I am young. I don't need to be where everyone else my age is. We all have our own paths in life and mine is different than others. Mine is how it should be, how it needed to be in order for me to be successful in the future. While some may have seen my situation as something that is holding them back, I took it as an opportunity to take my time in life. To let things figure themselves out. I have taken the time to regain my happiness.
When one door closes, another door opens.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)